Ever since becoming involved with Christian outreach to Jehovah’s Witnesses, I have received a steady stream of mail from persons who have a marriage mate, relative, or friend in the Watchtower organization. Invariably these letters express dismay at the loved one’s involvement with the sect, coupled with a sense of frustration after unsuccessful attempts to persuade them to quit.

In the case of a married couple what typically happens is this: The husband initially hears that his wife is “studying the Bible with two nice ladies who come to the house every Wednesday afternoon.” He may answer with a casual “That’s nice, dear.” Or, he may say, “Fine, as long as I don’t have to get involved!” But the reaction is usually one of disinterested toleration—that is, until he finds out that the ladies are Jehovah’s Witnesses and that his wife will soon be joining them in door-to-door sales of Watchtower magazines, attending meetings at Kingdom Hall Sunday mornings and two nights a week, teaching the kids not to celebrate birthdays or Christmas, and carrying a card in her purse advising medical personnel not to administer blood if she is found unconscious and hemorrhaging.

Many a husband’s disinterested toleration then gives way to violent opposition. He calls the Jehovah’s Witnesses everything from cultists to communists. While the “two nice ladies” coach the wife on how to answer his objections with arguments he is unable to refute, the husband finds himself resorting to shouts and curses. He knows the Watchtower is wrong, but lacks the ammunition to prove it. He feels himself ready to explode as he watches his wife become more and more wrapped up with the organization, impervious to his attempts to dissuade her.

At this point a crossroads is reached. Feeling defeated and not wanting to lose touch with his wife, the man may decide to accompany her to Kingdom Hall meetings and to sit in on a “Bible study” to be conducted with the two of them by a JW elder and his wife. Or, at the other extreme, the husband may separate from his wife, initiate divorce proceedings, and attempt to take custody of the children. Many husbands take one of these two opposite courses. In between, however, there are many others who simply attempt to ride out the storm. They stop talking about religion to avoid the inevitable arguments, and they try to maintain some semblance of family life in spite of the spouse’s heavy schedule of meeting attendance and door-to-door work and her avoidance of family gatherings normally held on such occasions as Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and Thanksgiving—holidays the Witnesses attack as “pagan celebrations.” The marriage stays together, but the wife’s religion remains a source of irritation and tension.

I have seen all of the above happen in innumerable cases, but perhaps the most universal expression I have heard from men in every one of those situations is this: “I love my wife deeply, but somehow she seems to have become a different person. It’s as if there is an invisible wall between us.”

Although ordinarily it is the wife who is found at home and is therefore contacted by “two nice ladies” calling from house to house, sometimes it is the husband who is initially drawn into the Watchtower organization, perhaps through a workmate or business associate. When this happens, the effect on marriage and homelife is just as disastrous.

And a similar sort of estrangement occurs when the one joining the Witnesses is a son or daughter, a parent, a brother or sister, or even a close friend. It seems that the new JW loses interest in the former relationship, maintaining contact only insofar as this means opportunities to preach Watchtower doctrine. The good times together are gone, and there is a well-founded fear that if the door is closed to further “preaching” the relationship may end altogether.

After spending years writing letters to people desperate to rescue their loved ones from the Watchtower—all the while wishing that the letters could be longer and more detailed—wishing that I could write each one a book instead of a mere letter—I have finally forced myself to take the time out from a busy schedule to actually write such a book.

In responding to letters, of course, I have often made use of existing tools in the field of cult ministry, and have sent those in need a volume on JW doctrine, a collection of testimonies by former Witnesses, a book on the Watchtower organization’s history or a copy of my own book Jehovah ’s Witnesses Answered Verse by Verse, but none of these in itself could serve as a complete guide to rescuing a loved one from the sect. Although these books provide the raw material needed for such an effort, none of them combines this with a step-by-step strategy. And even books aimed at equipping Christians to answer JWs at the door do not detail the best approach to take when the Witness is a member of the household or a close friend.

With over eighteen million people attending JW Kingdom Halls worldwide, including close to 2.5 million here in the United States, and new converts being made at the rate of five thousand per week, there is a growing need for assistance to their millions of non-Witness family members, relatives and friends. The methods outlined in these pages enabled me to lead my wife out of the Watchtower (while I myself was in the process of leaving, a few steps ahead of her), and they have proved successful in helping many others to do the same. Of course the choice ultimately lies within the free will of each human heart faced with the option of believing a lie or accepting the truth. One Witness woman actually told me, “Even if someone could prove to me beyond doubt that the organization was false, I would still stick with it.” (She evidently had her own motives for this.) So, there can be no guarantee that this book, used correctly, will produce the desired result.

Few who join the Watchtower have this woman’s attitude, however; most truly believe that they have found the way to God’s approval, and if shown that the organization’s claims in this regard are false, these individuals will gladly quit, breathing a sigh of relief. I have seen it happen time and again. Therefore I am confident that this book will prove helpful in many cases to those who want to rescue a loved one from the Watchtower.